Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Recently Historian and avant garde film maker, Eugene Kikesky was interviewed by Avant garde Television personality Larry King. And with Kikesky”s recent bestseller “Alan and Me – the true story of Alan Greenspan “ as well as the 20 minute documentary "Stukas, turbos and in-line V12’s" for which Kikesky won the coveted Golden Lampshade award, it seems as though there’s just no stopping this turbo charged literary cattle truck speeding through the publishing world. “Stuka” alone has sold close to 2 million copies, (mostly at Tel Aviv airport) although insiders say that the real figure could be as high as 40 million. King asked the insightful questions and to an astonished American audience, Kikesky not only disclosed the correct number of Jews who died in the holocaust which now happens to be 8 times greater than the figure they couldn’t agree on last time, he also talked about yet another book in the pipeline, this time, the untold story of Paul Wolfowitz. Kikesky who knew Wolfowitz as a close friend between 1939 and 1945 and with whom he also shared bunks with at the Auschwitz Generalized Set Assessment Centre, gave us a sneak preview of Chapter 1, here published courtesy of CNN.

Paul Wolfowitz, was certainly one of the 20th century’s most eccentric, colorful and evasive characters, Simon Wiesenthal being only marginally more fantastic. Wolfowitz was born in the small Austrian town of Richthoffenberg known more famously for its World War 1 Air ace than anything else. Richthoffenberg was a dairy town and its antique narrow streets, sumptuous courtyards and Coffee houses were the envy of even, middle – class Bavaria. Amidst this postcard picturesque hamlet, the young lederhosen clad Wolfowitz learnt to spread his wings, wings which would eventually enable him to soar to public heights beyond even the imagination of his childhood neighbor Izak Shlong who was quoted later in the book as saying, “That boy sure went far!”
But there was turbulence in this extraordinary story. When Paul was only four years old, he stole a copy of Bertrand Russell’s "Principa Mathematica" and re -wrote it as crime novel set in 15th century Florence where the Medici were controversially portrayed as “the bad guys.” When the Nazi’s came to Richthoffenberg for a training exercise, they heard from a local rabbi that for the last 7 years their town had been graced by the elegiac presence of a 7 year old wunderkind. The Nazis immediately “set up a meet.” The representative Nazi Colonel discovered that Wolfowitz was in fact not only a child prodigy of epic proportions, he also had some fairly unwholesome proclivities such as peeling the wings off flies and attaching the flies to small leashes in order to parade them in front of his Father’s favorite coffee shop every Sunday afternoon. Paul also used to enjoy skinning fish alive and setting birds on fire. Wolfowitz was in fact, a renaissance man of his time and this “boy for all seasons” soon found himself deferring his studies (which at the time included translating the Talmud into Chinese) so as to be afforded gainful and respectable employment at The Auschwitz Institute of Advanced Generalized Set. Paul learned quickly that the Germans like all other Goyim were totally stupid and he soon set about devising a master plan…to make himself the Academy’s ruling Kommandant. Dr Joseph Mengele who was by then, Europe’s preeminent avant - garde Scientist and who had just accomplished another scientific first by grafting a Yid’s head onto a sheep, was becoming more and more suspicious of Wolfowitz’s activities. As Mengele’s ugly Alpha - sheep was herding all the other ovine from their alpine "Shangri-La" and into the abattoirs, Mengele himself was keeping tabs on Paul who had now organized his own office and leisure centre at Auschwitz in the form of a gigantic medi - evil tower. From this hideous structure, Paul would stand at the pulpit and issue instructions to the other undergraduates who were busily swatting below.
Paul was now deferring all transport away from the centre and supplies were flown in from the prototype helicopter, which Paul designed. During this period, Paul began to read George Orwell and it took him no less than a week to translate “Orwellian doublespeak” into “Orwellian Doublespeak.” A book was published and handed to Eugene Kikesy who edited the 9,000 pages of script and made it more accessible to Yids by writing all the words backwards. Paul then went a step further and asked “Kikes” if he thought it was a good idea to talk backwards as well. Kikesky vividly remembers his reply in one of the more poignant moments of the book: “Yes” and…. Then the Americans came.

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