Sunday, September 21, 2008


Very little is known about the early life of Alan Greenspan and there has been a great deal of speculation recently as Corporate America organizes it’s much anticipated Alan Greenspan memorial barbecue …a roast indeed. The guest list includes Don Rickles, John Landis and Ashton Kutcher. Recently, Historian and film maker Eugene Kikeski, who did not survive WW11 but miraculously is a holocaust survivor, spilled the beans on Alan whom Kikeski maintains was not only a close friend from 1939 – 1945, both also shared bunks at the Auschwitz Generalized Set Assessment Centre. The following excerpt is from Kikeski’s new book entitled “Alan and Me” which both CNN and Time Warner have praised as being one of the most authentic accounts of European life during the holocaust. The following excerpt is from Chapter 3 titled “Humble Beginnings”.

Alan Greenspan grew up in the small Dutch provincial town of Hertendenbosch more famously known as the birth place of Hieronymus Bosch the progenitor of surrealism and the doyen of apocalyptic images. However Alan had scant regard for the fine arts and spent most of his time spying on his neighbors whom Alan from a very early age, deduced were markedly different to him. For starters, they all had blonde hair blue eyes and wore clogs. Alan’s real name was Paddy O’Donnell but he later changed it to Alan Greenspan because he abhorred his neighbor’s incessant barrage of Irish jokes. Alan’s father worked as a magician doubling some nights doing loose cabaret acts with another Irish inhabitant from the neighborhood....a certain Marion Prior who was also the butt of Irish jokes and later changed her name to Joan Rivers. Alan’s father’s piece de resistance was a minor essay in the craft, whereby he would solicit the audiences’ watches and make them disappear. Alan’s father had a phenomenal collection of Rolex’s many of which are now on display at the Holocaust museum. However, the cabaret scene in 1930’s Holland afforded few returns in the terms of a secure salary and Alan’s father began working nights sometimes into the wee, wee hours defacing gold currency by rubbing coins down on a large square metal file which was bolted to the kitchen table. The teenage Alan would sometimes sneak into the hallway and watch his father cursing the white race, gesticulating and slobbering whilst collecting the gold filings which were put in a small, brown, cloth bag and hidden behind the oven. Alan knew that his true calling in life had finally arrived. He left school, sold his grandmother’s Stradivarius violin and took himself off to the Dachau Generalized Set Assessment centre where upon arrival, a man in a white coat immediately pronounced Alan to have 100% “Generalized Set.” The Nazi’s so impressed by Alan’s degree of ugliness, decided to pay for an all expenses paid holiday for Alan to visit New York as a Sales - Rep for the burgeoning ‘Zyclon B Corporation". Alan took the plane fair and later absconded which meant the Nazi’s who were now short on funds, had to resort to the inefficient method of shooting Jews with real bullets, a process which effectively became the Waffen SS’s Achilles heel and ultimately cost them the war. Alan shacked up with a young English girl called Linda Evans who became so vehemently angered by the local Italians calling her “Limey,” she changed her name to Tamar Jacoby. Alan , whilst working his way up to the “Fed,” did odd jobs and enrolled in the Brooklyn School of Economics where he majored in “Babylonian Usury methods and financial models.” Later Alan would use this knowledge to great effect and coupled with those seminal images of his father at the kitchen table, would learn how to make American’s hard earned money, disappear, eventually culminating in Alan’s own “piece de resistance” where he made a sum of money equal to 6 -23rd power vanish on Sunday and reappear the following Tuesday as U.S.$45 with one thousand zeros. --Hail to the Oracle!!!

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